Maslow’s Pyramid: Improve Your Relationship!

What you see above is Maslow’s Hierarchy, or Pyramid, of Needs. It is a psychological theory proposed by Abraham Maslow in 1943. And while it mostly relates to describing stages of human growth, I find that it makes a lot of sense for relationships.

The higher up the pyramid you can manage to take your relationship, the more solid it will be. I think this relates to friendships, and on into marriage. Let’s diagnose each level.


Physiological: This is pretty simple. Before you can manage any sort of relationship, you need to be free and healthy. Able to survive and maintain your status as Human. Be sheltered, clothed, and able to eat and breath.

We’ll also include in this topic, that both parties involved in the relationship, whatever it may be, need to know and understand what that relationship is, and agree to it together.


Safety: Personal and fiscal security. Basic needs that relate to more than just a roof over one’s head.

In a relationship, this means the partner being conducive to your safety, in whatever situations they need to be. If your friend plans to get drunk before he drives you home, he is not meeting this need. If your spouse is gambling away all of the family finances, they are failing.

In a partnership you must provide encouragement, sympathy, and comfort to your partner. Trust, honesty, and security are needed. And protection of one another’s emotions, mental state, and physicality.


Love: What is love really? Love is being accepted. It is feeling as though you belong. Are you being shown love?

Making love, and being affectionate and intimate are requisite for marriage. Compassion and tenderness toward your spouse, while this seems obvious, can be overlooked at times, which can be very damaging.


Esteem: This item takes us further than love. For some people they might intermingle the two. Maslow ties respect to esteem, but respect can also incorporate with love. For the sake of this writing, know that esteem is about not just the love that others show you, but the respect you have for yourself. It’s about belonging, and feeling accepted by your friend/spouse.

On one level it is a need for attention. Recognition. A high status. It’s not that you need to be famous or recognized on a large scale, we are still talking about within your relationship. Your partner needs to pay attention to you, hold you in high regard, and desire you.

Another level is one of independence, liberty, and self-confidence. It is about your partner having the strength to stand on their own two feet, and not just be your sidekick. Allowing them the freedom to be themselves, not just an extension of you. And being sure that they have respect for themselves. Letting them know that they are with you by choice, and are an amazing person all-their-own.


Self-Actualization: This is about being who you are, and growth. Realizing your potential, and not being held back.

It is also about expression. Some would choose to be athletic, some artistic, etc. Everyone needs a way to express just who they are, and become damaged when not able to do so. In a partnership both should be pushing each other to express themselves as they need to.

When both partners are able to proceed through the previous four steps, they are best equipped to aide each other in self-actualization. Assist in reaching goals.

Both partners will feel fulfilled with their own lives, and able to make healthy sacrifices of their own needs for their partner.



All of these things work together, in this hierarchal fashion, mostly. People are very much individualistic, and because of this I think things do not always go exactly in ascending order of the pyramid. Missing too much in any one area can be a hindrance. How much of your love would you set aside into resentment if your partner began to disrespect you. How much are you going to be willing to help your partner self-actualize after they spend all the children’s Christmas money down at the local tavern?

Relationships take work. Much work. Hard work. Work from both partners. Keeping this pyramid in mind can help when relationships hit a bump in the road. What you think of as a minor argument blown out of proportions, may actually be an acting out due to what your partner is missing. Look at the chart together, and figure out what the real issue is.

As Written by Woo
WooInWonderland.com